Saturday, May 16, 2015

We Are Here With You Now

Lori woke up to the foul odor of a canine’s breath, and sounds of jingling keys. It was Lori’s black lab, shaking her head, growling and panting - alerting her that something was going on downstairs.  Then the lights came on with squeaky, shuffling feet walking up to the top of the stairs.  It was her mother, and it was 2:30AM.
“Uncle Dean has fallen out of bed and needs an ambulance!”  Lori remembered this actually happening in 1994, where she and her mother had to drive to his house from her Aunt Hilda’s house at 3:30AM to help him return to bed after falling on the floor. Uncle Dean had passed on a few years later.  “We need to wake up Aunt Hilda, and find him a robe.”  (Aunt Hilda passed away in 1995.) “Okay, Mom. This sounds important. Let’s go downstairs and make a plan.”
 Her mother was pacing and it was clear to see that her heart was racing, too.  Since her mother has a serious heart condition, Lori thought calming her down, and laying her down would be a good idea. “Mom, Uncle Dean really did fall out of bed, and you and I have already helped him.  He is doing well now, and is not in any pain. Let’s lay down and talk about it.”
  Lori’s mother reluctantly crawled back into bed.  “Where are we?  Is this Aunt Hilda’s house?” No, you are here at my house and that mirror on the wall, and the clock in the kitchen are both from Aunt Hilda’s house, said Lori.”  “Where is Uncle Dean NOW?” Lori paused before answering the question. (According to Naomi Feil, MSW and her book, Validation Breakthrough, Ms. Feil states that it is not a good idea to lie, or patronize people with dementia when they ask you a direct question). 
“Mom, Uncle Dean is okay, and closer to you than you can imagine. He is in heaven. “  “He died? When did he die? Is Aunt Hilda dead, too?  And my mother? Is everyone dead?” Lori started to cry seeing her mother’s face filling up with tears.
“Mom, they are all on the other side, all of them except you and your cousin. “  After sharing that information with her mother, her mother looked relieved and started breathing normally. “I am so confused, this is just so incredibly confusing. I never thought I would end up like this.”  “I know Mom. This is really hard, isn't it? Sometimes your brain doesn’t get the oxygen it needs and you forget things. When that happens, I am here to help you to remember things.”
Lori’s mother looked up at the ceiling and said, “Do you think all of them are in heaven?”  Yes mom, I do believe they are all in heaven, and I think they are so close to you, that they are with us now, this very minute. And when people get old, very old they prepare themselves to cross over by connecting with their loved ones through thoughts and dreams. I think what happened just now is something that was supposed to happen, and it is all good for your soul and spirit.  That longing to be reunited is there because of the bond of love, God’s love which is and will always be everlasting.”
  The room suddenly filled with a calm. Lori was gently rubbing her mother’s back as she would do for her baby when he was having trouble sleeping. “I loved living with Aunt Hilda during the Depression when I was 6,” said Lori’s mother.  Uncle Dean always came to check on us at the house twice a day. Once on his way to work, and once on his way back from work.” Mom, was that when your father had to live in another city because of his job?”  “Yes, my father would send money home for us, and my favorite memory of my Dad was sitting with him when I was 7 and holding his hand. I loved to hold my Dad’s hand.”  “So, in many ways, Uncle Dean filled in for your father, when he wasn’t able to be with you?” “Yes, he did! “
Then, out of the blue, the room felt almost magical. Lori’s mother closed her eyes almost as if she was clairvoyant contacting the dead, or in deep, deep prayer. “Mom, if you could speak to your loved ones, what would you say?” Then, to Lori’s surprise,  instead of answering as Lori’s mother, Lori’s mother, with her eyes still closed, almost in a whisper answered Lori as if she was  one of the ancestors. First as Uncle Dean. “Don’t worry about me, I have plenty of help.  I’m fine!”  Then as all of her relatives, “We are here with you now!”  
 Shortly after that,  Lori’s mother said, “I’m tired, I need to get some sleep.”
 After hearing her mother snoring, Lori returned to her bed and fell asleep.

Copyright 2015 Caregivers Get Fit! Mama  Nicey

The information in this blog is information. It is not meant to be a replacement for getting medical advice from your own health professional regarding your own individual health challenge or condition. Dr. Denise will not diagnose, treat, or give direct personal consultations/advice to you on this blog for any medical condition, but will give general examples, and scientific research on many different health topics.  How you decide to use the information is between you and your own medical/ health professional.

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